SCREAM BLOODY MURDER!

Yeah, well as you’ve probably didn’t want to know, it’s that time of the month. So for the next 5 days, we’ll be discussing this subject. Believe me, it’s more painful for me right now, that it’ll ever be for you.

I did some more online research and found an interesting line from this site.

”The hormones in our bodies are especially sensitive to diet and nutrition. PMS and menstrual cramping are not diseases, but rather, symptoms of poor nutrition. ”

This makes sense for me. Only people with a worst diet than me are the Unisef kids and an anorexic chick.

The Woman’s Health Information page suggests that a woman should increase excercise to improve ”oxygen circulation” in that area, not use tampons, avoid; red meat, refine sugars, milk and fatty foods, and eat more; vegtables, whole grains, oats, fruits. She suggests you cut out coffee and get some hot guy to massage you. She also suggests to have an orgasm, so it better be a damn good massage.

Personally, I like circular motions, clockwise.

She also suggest to drink ginger root tea. Cayenne pepper everything. Meditate and this one is so great, I must quote;

”Ovarian Kung Fu alleviates or even eliminates menstrual cramps and PMS, it also ensures smooth transition through menopause”

Ovary Kung Fu. Sign me up.

Blogging 4 Sex

I nearly died laughing when I read this on Canada.com. I have a social network of the crème de la crème of celibate gamers and geeks. All who blog or know someone who blog. Now the question of getting laid has never come up with these individuals. Fortunately or Unfortunately, depending on the individual in question, though as I’ve previously wrote; I’ve swore off all foriegn bio-shaft coming near the proximity of my lady-deathtrap.

Misty Harris writes;

”In this week’s Media Guy column for Advertising Age magazine, Dumenco contends that knowledge of the hippest, hottest blogs can increase hook-up opportunities and boost sexual attractiveness.”

Misty and I have a simular opinion on the matter which I can only express with the following, so forgive my informality…

BUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAHAAAAHAAAAAAHAAAAA *pause* AAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHHAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!

”Dumenco doesn’t identify a direct cause-effect relationship between reading a blog and landing a lover.”

Actually, if anyone came across my blog, I’d be flattered and spoke to me about it IRL. Flabbergasted even. However, I would ask myself, how much spare time does this guy have and how on earth did he come across it. More importantly why. Putting aside the fact that I write a blog about female organs; I think this question should be noted about any blog.

How exactly does the blog-o-sphere tribute to the well being and santity to our vaginas? Who on earth blogs for sex? Whatever happen to courting and romance? Is it so uncool now to write a girl a song or put your jacket around her shoulders as she gets cold? Nah, a girl loves an individual. An asshole who knows where he’s going in life and is not afraid to tell her.

That’ll gain access to my vag for sure. Leave you’re blog URL and make sure you got so good shots of you doing your hair with gell for the first time. I love that shit.

Vagina’s of The World II

I think I made a hobby out of googling vaginas. 

Also, I think I figured out why popstars and it-girls don’t wear underwear; Free publicity.

Hope you’re happy Brintney.

I wonder if this one will end up on the FAIL blog.

Finding Vag

Here’s a diagram. As you can see, the vagina is where you put the penis or what ever else you decide to shove up there. The outside is the labia, also known as ”The Meat” or as romance novels like to put it ”The Petals”.  The diagram in the left bottom corner gives you an approxamation of where the vagina was if you had exray vision. Hot, isn’t it?

HPV positive

My good X chromozoned friend’s bo[Y]friend, told me that men are the carriers as far as S.T.Infections go. I assumed it was just because getting a swab down your uthera fucken hurts. (Unless you’re in to that, but I ain’t covering fetishes in Vagina 101.) He explained that it’s just because a lot of guys eventually insist on the pill after a relationship and give coodies to girls after they take their ”glass slipper” [Marla Singer, 1999] off. Then I read the following;

 ”However, other STI’s, usually persistent viral ones like Herpes and HPV, invade skin and mucous membranes, so a condom in that case may do little to stop transmission.” [Wikipedia, retrieved 2008]

 The Viral Ones is linked to Alzheimer’s disease and HPV can cause genitle warts.

I’m never having sex again.

Many Vagina’s of the World!

Googling an image of a nice cunt is harder than it seems. However, during my search I found this picture.

I want to crawl in there too.

For The Gentlemen(s)

Okay, I said I wouldn’t let you guys down so here it is; 10 tips for keeping your favorite vagina happy and healthy.

1. Shave your balls.

You have no idea what kind of bacteria can attach themselves on your pubs, and I’m not talking dingle berries. This will reduce the chances of you getting crabs and the smell of nut sweat will be less evident when your girl goes to give you head. If you shave the top well and smooth, it can actually be pleasurable when you bang that punanee. It will also lessen her chances of getting yeast infections. Smell dough anyone?

2. Pulls the skin back.

If you’re not circumsized, you parents didn’t do you any favors at a young age. Foreskin can keep back the grossest bacteria  and let them to fester and rot. When you ”give it to her good”, you are inserting all does festering bacteria and if it passes her cervix it will cause a yeast infection.

3. Wear a condom; Fuck the pill

The pill has so many hormones, it’ll leave your bitch cranky and crying. A condom will keep your dick safe and you don’t have to worry about injecting swimmers (sperm) and dirt in her dirty cunt. Condoms may be costly if your doing it everyday, and may even ”kill the mood” but nothing kills a girl’s mood more than an itching, smelly cunt. That way, you also protect your dick from getting swabbed yearly, which brings us to number 4.

4. Get the swab.

Getting testing for certian STIs are as easy as getting a little q-tip down your peehole. Do it yearly, if you have multiple partners. That way you know your swimmers are intact and you aren’t spreading diseases. Or wear condoms and fuck fewest chicks possible.

5. If you use soap for your cock, rinse well.

Some soaps disbalances PH levels of vaginas. It’s rumored that vaginas have the same PH level as a beer. So if you really want to be sanitary…

6. Brush and floss!

If you’re going to eat out make sure if your going in all out with your tongue that you have good dental hygiene. Again, foriegn bacteria makes an angry vagina.

7. Wash your hands.

Wash your hands under hot water (no soap) before getting ready to finger bang that cunt. And while your at it, make sure she’s well lubed up. Your fingers are rough and sometimes the fiction is not appritiated. A trick to getting her natural oils flowing is to circle the clit with your thumbs while your index finger (and middle finger maybe) are doing their thing.

8. Don’t double tip.

An anus is full of shit. Naturally it’s dirty. If you stick in her ass, don’t stick it back in her cunt. That’s just dirty.

9.  When not to use your mouth.

It’s not always about the girls pussy, and giving it all the attention might have the opposite effect of what your trying to do. Don’t stare at it, don’t make any comments on it, don’t compare it to previous vagina’s you’ve seen before. You’re not a gynotologist, and acting like one isn’t sexy. It’s creepy.  

10. Her Period

A woman can still get pregnate on her period. Use a condom, if you can’t wait 5 days.