For The Gentlemen(s)

Okay, I said I wouldn’t let you guys down so here it is; 10 tips for keeping your favorite vagina happy and healthy.

1. Shave your balls.

You have no idea what kind of bacteria can attach themselves on your pubs, and I’m not talking dingle berries. This will reduce the chances of you getting crabs and the smell of nut sweat will be less evident when your girl goes to give you head. If you shave the top well and smooth, it can actually be pleasurable when you bang that punanee. It will also lessen her chances of getting yeast infections. Smell dough anyone?

2. Pulls the skin back.

If you’re not circumsized, you parents didn’t do you any favors at a young age. Foreskin can keep back the grossest bacteria  and let them to fester and rot. When you ”give it to her good”, you are inserting all does festering bacteria and if it passes her cervix it will cause a yeast infection.

3. Wear a condom; Fuck the pill

The pill has so many hormones, it’ll leave your bitch cranky and crying. A condom will keep your dick safe and you don’t have to worry about injecting swimmers (sperm) and dirt in her dirty cunt. Condoms may be costly if your doing it everyday, and may even ”kill the mood” but nothing kills a girl’s mood more than an itching, smelly cunt. That way, you also protect your dick from getting swabbed yearly, which brings us to number 4.

4. Get the swab.

Getting testing for certian STIs are as easy as getting a little q-tip down your peehole. Do it yearly, if you have multiple partners. That way you know your swimmers are intact and you aren’t spreading diseases. Or wear condoms and fuck fewest chicks possible.

5. If you use soap for your cock, rinse well.

Some soaps disbalances PH levels of vaginas. It’s rumored that vaginas have the same PH level as a beer. So if you really want to be sanitary…

6. Brush and floss!

If you’re going to eat out make sure if your going in all out with your tongue that you have good dental hygiene. Again, foriegn bacteria makes an angry vagina.

7. Wash your hands.

Wash your hands under hot water (no soap) before getting ready to finger bang that cunt. And while your at it, make sure she’s well lubed up. Your fingers are rough and sometimes the fiction is not appritiated. A trick to getting her natural oils flowing is to circle the clit with your thumbs while your index finger (and middle finger maybe) are doing their thing.

8. Don’t double tip.

An anus is full of shit. Naturally it’s dirty. If you stick in her ass, don’t stick it back in her cunt. That’s just dirty.

9.  When not to use your mouth.

It’s not always about the girls pussy, and giving it all the attention might have the opposite effect of what your trying to do. Don’t stare at it, don’t make any comments on it, don’t compare it to previous vagina’s you’ve seen before. You’re not a gynotologist, and acting like one isn’t sexy. It’s creepy.  

10. Her Period

A woman can still get pregnate on her period. Use a condom, if you can’t wait 5 days.